is he what is called a "regressed" offender-someone whose primary sexual orientation is to agemates, but who under stress (trauma or overwhelming responsiblities) seeks refuge in sexual contact with children? Again there is much work to be done individually and some must be accomplished before this man can realistically work with his family.

When to bring the family members together to work out their problems as a system also varies. Hank Giarretto, director of a nationally known incest treatment program, recommends that the family work in pairs first: mother and father to repair the breakdown in their marriage; mother and daughter to see why their communication and trust has deteriorated; and so on. Eventually if the family wants to stay intact, its members must work together to establish boundaries, rights, and healthy ways of relating. Of course not all families should stay together. Regardless of one's feelings about the "sacredness" of the family and the difficult fact that to many children a "bad" family is better than no family at all, I still believe it's more important to save people than families. Sometimes families must break up to do that..

Not quite as nerve-wracking but often as difficult is helping an adult who was victimized as a child and who now is trying to deal with its effects and repair the damage. As I mentioned in the previous article

[See WSW, April 1981], these effects can be widely varied. The woman can be seriously depressed or suicidal, addicted to drugs or alcohol, or find herself unable to relate to people. She may be quite aware of what happened to her as a child and see it as a big part of her current problems, or she can just wonder if there's any connection. Or she may be totally unaware that this ever happened to her. A number of my clients have sought help for some other difficulty and only in the course of therapy, often through

...I have seen a number of women heal their wounds and get on with their lives........

dreams, have bits and pieces, odd scraps of memories come forth, eventually jelling into a story of sexual abuse which they had totally blocked from their memory. Again the therapist must listen and believe; unlike Sigmund Freud, I think we know too much now to fall into the trap of disbelief. The statistics are too blatant.

Once the sexual abuse is shared and discussed, the gamut of common feelings which accompany it must be dealt with. Again, as with the children, the list is long and often devastating. Each must be carefully confronted, new skills must be built and practiced, and the process may take several years. The goal is not to "forgive and forget"-that's absurd. It is, however, to get beyond the point where being an incest victim is the most important thing in your

Meditation: Guidelines and Methods

By Wegi Louise

The Value of Meditation -

Meditation is a cross-cultural, ancient practice gaining popularity as a safe, adaptable, cost-free pathway to many goals. Meditation is a useful tool in achieving peace and relaxation is a stressful world, gaining energy, zest and efficiency in everyday life, becoming strong and clear-minded, assuming control of bodily functions, and expanding one's sense of reality.

How to Meditate

There is no right way to meditate. The following elements are essential to all forms of meditation. Whatever form or style you try and ultimately choose to improve the quality of your life, the form will include the following:

Comfort-assume a comfortable position and find a quiet location.

Repetition-repeat the form consistently. Repeat the sequence, and use the same location and times each day.

Total Involvment-a key to all forms is intensity and absorption in the task.

Single Focus-be single-minded; do only one thing at a time.

Active and Alert-remain as active and alert as possible.

Sessions

Begin with ten-minute sessions each day at least five times a week. After this becomes a stable practice, progress to fifteen-minute sessions, building to thirty minutes a day after one month.

Choosing a Form

There are two primary categories of meditation, structured and unstructured. Four examples of the structured category are presented below as they are better suited for the beginner.

1. Breath Count (Zen). Lie or sit so that your back is straight. You might want the support of a straight backed chair or pillow under your knees if lying on a floor. With closed eyes, focus all your awareness on

your breath. Count at the completion of the exhale. Try counting to 4 or 10 and repeat.

2. Mantra (Yoga, Sufi). Lie or sit comfortably so as to open your abdomen, chest, and throat. With closed eyes, softly make the sounds of a chosen word or phrase and repeat it over and over with the same rhythm and volume. Concentrate all awareness on your sound and the sensation throughout your body. Try "woman' and "we are whole".

3. Body (Taoist). Integrated movement of the body in a structured form is best begun in a group or class. Single-minded attention is placed on specific body

4. Kinesthetic Imagery, Lie or sit comfortably and begin to breathe deeply and slowly. Begin to imagine yourself merging into a) water falling, or waves, b) fire burning, c) wind blowing. Include imagining and experiencing the physical sensations of your experience.

Insure Success

Try all four forms to see which one is best suited

life-to "finish" it in such a way that you can go on living.

There is no one "right" way to do this. Every victim is a unique individual, and any good therapist will remember that. However, it is important that the therapist be well acquainted with the issues of sexual abuse. He or she must understand how it happens and what it does to a victim. I have been surprised that a simple statement such as "No, you weren't responsible. You didn't seduce him" has a more profound healing effect than the fanciest therapeutic strategy 1 could employ. With sexual abuse it is necessary to be informed in order to be empathetic and helpful.

The other humbling experience I've had since working with adult victims of sexual abuse is leading my group at the Free Clinic. Groups are powerful healing factors, as we all know. Hearing someone else say, "Yes, it happened to me, too" seems to be the best medicine of all, and these women give each other something that no professional can give. I have had to struggle to know exactly what my role should be for them. Many of the women are in severe pain and often extremely frustrated at their attempts to heal themselves, and often I too am frustrated, wanting to make the pain and frustration go away. But I have seen a number of women heal their wounds and get on with their lives, and I remain with the faith that if I-if we-can be to each other what these women's families weren't—if we can be protective, responsible, loving and understanding-then the wounds can heal.

* for you. Plan a meditation program and build your plan realistically into your life. Develop a support system. Buy gold stars and make a chart, tell friends about your plans and enlist their support, find someone with whom you can exchange support, join a class, write reminders, goals, messages on your bedside table, bathroom mirror, refrigerator, etc.

Acknowledge and celebrate every little success ("1 was able to stay in focus 5 seconds-yea!" "I did it three days in a row-whoopee!!").

Note results. You feel lighter or clearer after meditation. The day goes more smoothly, you've increased your coping powers, you feel better about yourself and others, etc.

If you get discouraged, congratulate yourself for having ever started and pick it up once again when you feel more positive.

When your mind wanders, spare yourself anger and disappointment; expect to wander. At first a couple of seconds is considered good focus. Just notice your mind drifting and gently nudge yourself back into focus. Your consistency is more important than how well you think you are doing. Discipline and change come slowly for us all. You are moving forward and doing well taking two steps forward, falling one step back and taking two steps forward again.

Meditation is a loving experience. All the effort and time put into meditation is valuable. Taking control of yourself and your environment with love is powerful and exciting. Enjoy the benefits!

For Further Reading:

LeShan, L. How to Meditate. Bantam Books, 1974.

Narango, Claudia and Ornstein, Robert. Psychology of Meditation, Viking Press, 1971. Pelletier, Kenneth R. Mind as Healer, Mind as Slayer. Delta, 1977.

Wegi Louise is a massage therapist.

May, 1982/What She Wants/Page 9